


Ante Meridiem

by seventheavenly



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-10-19 05:38:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10633365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventheavenly/pseuds/seventheavenly
Summary: 1:31 is etched into the skin of Youngjae's wrist.His soulmate would not have the tattoo—and it will only appear on the other's wrist if they are kissing at that exact time.Requested by hxppynutmeg.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hxppynutmeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxppynutmeg/gifts).



> Requested by and gratefully dedicated to hxppynutmeg,  
> for nudging me into my first foray of soulmate AUs.
> 
> Really liked the prompt and idea, and since I’ve been wanting to write something related to 1:31AM, this allowed me to kill two birds with one stone :) I didn’t follow every detail from your request exactly because this flow worked better for me, I hope you don’t mind! This is actually the nth version because I wrote a few other versions based on the idea but scrapped 90% of it in the end ;_;
> 
> P.S: I decided on this one instead of the other you requested because I read something similar to it before, and was worried that my story would end up being too heavily influenced :P
> 
> P.P.S: Also! This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but since I took forever to write it, I'll be uploading it in parts instead. Hope you'll still enjoy it!

0131.

 

Youngjae glances at his watch, and then at the mark on his wrist of his other arm that shows the same numbers.

 

"Not everyone is born with it, the time mark," his friend's words from years ago still ring clearly in his mind. "Since you have it, your soulmate won't." Upon hearing those words, Youngjae thought that it was rather unfair, but who was he to argue with nature's law?

 

"How would I know then?" He tries to not sound too angry, "if I can't see it?"

 

He remembers the grin on his friend's face when he explained it.

 

"You'll have to be kissing them at that **exact** time for it to appear on their wrist."

 

* * *

 

A chorus of greetings fill the cafe as the doorbell rings, but Youngjae pays it no heed. Seated at his favourite corner of his favourite cafe, he types away furiously on his keyboard.

 

His assignment is due in ten minutes and he has five hundred words left to conjure from the blank that is his brain, so he bites his lower lip, takes a sip of the coffee next to his laptop, and forms _seemingly_ logical and coherent sentences to fill up the word count.

 

Somehow, he manages to send it over before the due time and Youngjae takes a deep breath, the weight of the world lifting off his tired shoulders.

 

He glances and the clock and notes that it is fifteen minutes before midnight. Thankful for the cafe being open around the clock, and whatever luck had allowed him to speed-write his assignment, Youngjae slowly moves to pack his laptop.

 

Another ring is heard and the staff greet yet another guest. Youngjae looks up to see a group of boys make their way towards his corner, occupying the table beside his. It is rather late to be out for food, Youngjae thinks, but is reminded that it is the charm of college life and 24-hour cafes. A few other groups enter the cafe after, leading Youngjae to think that a movie had probably just ended at the cinema down the road.

 

Properly stowing his laptop into his bag, Youngjae stretches and downs the last of his coffee, deciding that it is time to leave. However, someone slides into the seat before him just as he is about to stand up.

 

"Hey there, cutie."

 

Youngjae cringes at the words, scrunching his nose instinctively at the stranger.

 

"Are you alone? Care to join me for a drink?"

 

The other sets his own cup down on the table without invitation, and Youngjae sighs inwardly. It is the third time this month, the nth time since he visited the cafe—that someone had tried to hit on him in the cafe.

 

When it first happened, he thought that it was just a random occurrence, something out of the blue. The second time left him dumbfounded, and the third—skeptical. He soon found out from his classmates that the joint was a popular blind date spot, so many flocked there with false hopes and overwhelming confidence in search of a date.

 

After knowing, Youngjae would have stopped going if it was not for the wonderfully fast (and free) Wi-Fi they provided, coupled with the cheap menu and the most important fact: that it operated all day and all night long. His rented room is a shabby unit, with thin walls and loud neighbours—the cafe is far more preferable when he wants to study or finish his assignments.

 

"I'm sorry," Youngjae voices his well-used reply, "I was just leaving."

 

He picks up his bag, bows his head a little and heads towards the door, but feels a soft tug on his sleeve. "Don't leave," the stranger pleads, then grins sheepishly. Youngjae realizes then that the person is drunk and that he should have left more subtly.

 

"Excuse me, is my friend bothering you?"

 

Turning, Youngjae hopes that the newcomer is there to pick up the stranger and **not**  make his night even longer. He nods, looking helplessly at the fingers latched onto his over-sized hoodie, and gives the newcomer a pleading look.

 

"I'm so sorry," the newcomer apologizes and attempts to pry his friend's hand from Youngjae's sleeve and shaking his head. "He isn't usually like this. I'm really sorry."

 

The other whines when his fingers are removed from Youngjae's sleeve. "Jaebum," he shakes his head at the other, "go away. You're no fun."

 

His friend sighs.

 

"No, this is enough, Jinyoung. Let's go."

 

"No, Jaebum, no," Jinyoung wags a finger at Jaebum. "You're enough. I'm staying," he smiles tipsily at the other. "You can't even hear me rant without rolling your eyes once, I'm going to rant to **this** ," Jinyoung points at Youngjae,"cutie right here."

 

Pushing his finger away, the person named Jaebum sighs again. He moves to pull the other up from the chair and bows his head lightly. "Sorry about this again," Jaebum repeats, bowing his head to Youngjae and dragging Jinyoung out the cafe.

 

Youngjae does not know what to make of the odd scene and finally makes it out of the cafe to head home. As his head sinks into the pillow, he hears whispers of Jaebum's voice within his mind.

 

It is like a mysterious lullaby, familiar and new to him at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally deleted the first part (go me!)... so I reposted.  
> Sorry about that :'(
> 
> Your lovely comments were also deleted, and I'm really sad and sorry—but I've read and replied to them and am always grateful :)


	2. Ante

Even though Youngjae had promised himself to stop working so close to his assignment deadlines, he soon found himself downing cup after cup of coffee at the cafe. Blaming it on Mark who had bought a new console and a whole pile of games, and of course, his weak will to stay away from all three—Youngjae had reluctantly accepted his grim fate and headed to the cafe just hours before his assignment was due.

 

He is barely halfway through when his eyelids betray him, threatening to close every other second despite the caffeine he had been downing. The downpour outside did not help, the sound of raindrops on the windows doing nothing to keep him awake. While his fingers sluggishly skim over the keyboard of his laptop, he silently wishes for a miracle.

 

Immediately after his silent promise to spend more time caring for Jackson's tree in exchange for said miracle, a familiar figure walks through the cafe's doors.

 

Jaebum is drenched from head to toe, in other words, a wet mess—literally. Youngjae immediately feels less sleepy at the amusing sight, not missing the attention Jaebum's state has garnered for him since his arrival. Jaebum hand moves to push his rain-soaked bangs back as he scanned the crowded cafe.

 

There is a frown on his face, and Youngjae assumes that the other is either looking for someone, or at least a place to sit. Unknowingly, Youngjae raises his hand to catch the other's attention—only to wonder _why in the world_ he did so a few seconds later.

 

Jaebum's gaze falls on him, and a smile tugs at the corner of the other's lips as he walks over to Youngjae's table.

 

Youngjae does not fully understand why then, but he is totally awake with the flutter of butterflies in his stomach. He also begins to panic, reaching to collect the notes strewn haphazardly over the small table to make space. He wonders why and is unable to answer. Blaming his flustered state on his lack of sleep and the pressure of looming deadlines, he smiles weakly when Jaebum takes a seat opposite him.

 

"Hi," Jaebum takes off his drenched coat and response with a bright smile. "I know I've already taken a seat, but do you mind?"

 

"Yes," Youngjae blurts out, then shakes his head, "I mean no. No, I don't mind."

 

Jaebum looks shocked, then amused, and then he chuckles.

 

Youngjae feels warm to the bone upon hearing the other laugh, and offers a meek smile in response—wondering if he should be shifting his attention back to his assignment, or letting is dwell on the handsome person before him.

 

As if reading his thoughts, Jaebum offers his hand and a grin. "I'm Jaebum, by the way. Sorry again about the other time. I made sure Jinyoung would never do something like that again." Waving his hand to let the other know that he no longer minds, Youngjae lets out a chuckle and introduces himself. "I'm Youngjae," he reaches to shake Jaebum's outstretched hand, "nice to meet you, again."

 

He gets a dashing grin and a firm handshake in response before Jaebum turns his head to the side and sneezes. Immediately, Youngjae reaches for his bag and rummages through the contents, fishing out a spare hoodie and towel. He offers them to Jaebum, who raises an eyebrow at him.

 

"You bring a towel and spare hoodie along with you all the time? To a cafe?" Jaebum asks in disbelief, but accepts the items with a grateful look anyway.

 

"Don't judge me," Youngjae huffs, despite his reservations. "I'm a wandering college student who does not know when he will need to sleep over or... not sleep at all," he ends the sentence dully, reminded of his assignments.

 

Jaebum notices the drop in the other's voice and leans over to take a look at Youngjae's laptop screen. "History of Art and Design?" Jaebum chuckles, and Youngjae looks horrified at his reaction. "You have no idea how much this is torturing me, don't laugh," he chides, narrowing his eyes just ever so slightly.

 

Laughing again at Youngjae's reaction, Jaebum apologizes. "I'm sorry, it's just that I had such a hard time with this subject's assignments back then too."

 

"Back then?"

 

"Two years ago, I'm your senior, I think?"

 

Youngjae points to the direction of the college building and Jaebum nods, a grin forming on his face. "Tell you what, let me get changed, and I'll help you out in return, alright?"

 

Keeping his word, he returns after changing into Youngjae's oversized hoodie—that looks more fitting on him than on its owner—and takes the seat next to Youngjae. Usually, Youngjae would not welcome the intrusion of his personal space, but with Jaebum, his guard is down.

 

He watches as Jaebum scrolls through what little text he has written and begin to type the rest. The other does not speak as he works to finish the assignment, so Youngjae decides not to bother. Instead, he takes a deep breath—wondering if this is the miracle he wished for.

 

* * *

 

Youngjae loves sleeping when it is raining.

 

It is extra enjoyable if he is wrapped in a warm blanket, and if he woke up on such a morning, a cup of hot chocolate accompanied by his playlist for rainy days were some of the best he could ask for.

 

So when he stirs from slumber to be greeted by the smell of hot chocolate and sound of raindrops hitting the window, yet mixed with muted chatter, he is confused.

 

His confusion is doubled when he realizes that a pair of amused eyes are staring into his. Jaebum grins at his expression and comments softly that his assignment is due in fifteen minutes. "I finished it, but I thought you should read through and send before you miss the deadline."

 

Youngjae scrambles to do as Jaebum says, sleep still clinging to him so he skims through the text without much focus—but enough to know that Jaebum wrote it with enough care for him to be graded properly. Pulling up his sleeves, he hurries to send it over and immediately thanks Jaebum.

 

"No worries, it's my thanks for borrowing your clothes," the other smiles. Still drowsy, Youngjae merely smiles back. "

 

"I was going to let you sleep more since you looked so exhausted, but it wouldn't be right to let you miss the deadline either," Jaebum states when there is no reply from the other.

 

A 'thanks' is all Youngjae can manage then as his mind processes Jaebum's words. He feels warm knowing Jaebum's consideration for him, relieved to have finally finished his assignment—and feels like going back to sleep.

 

"The rain seems to be stopping," Jaebum comments as if reading his thoughts, "I think you should head home before you fall asleep again." There is a hint of teasing in the other's voice and Youngjae can't help but feel embarrassed for dozing off while someone finished his work.

 

"Yeah, I think I should," Youngjae replies, moving to keep his belongings. Jaebum helps, handing the younger boy the items on his side of the table.

 

Ten minutes later, they are outside, the smell of fresh rain enveloping Youngjae as takes a deep breath—his body feeling lighter knowing that there are no more looming deadlines. "I'm heading that way," he points, "thanks again."

 

"You're welcome," Jaebum flashes a grin at him and asks if he frequents the cafe. "I'll drop by next weekend to return your things," he tugs at the hem of his, or rather, the Youngjae's hoodie that he had borrowed. "Good night, and thanks again."

 

The younger boy does not remember if he also bids Jaebum good night, but he does remember Jaebum's light pat on his shoulder before the other walked in the other direction.

 

Even though Youngjae usually feels lonely and cold when walking home after a rainy night, he feels somewhat warmer that particular night.

 

When he enters his little room, the clock on his table reads 1:31AM and his heart skips a beat. Youngjae tries not to dwell upon Jaebum's voice and words as he tries to sleep.

 

Tries to calm down at the memory of waking up under Jaebum's gaze.

 

Tries not to feel _too_  giddy over someone he had only met twice.

 

Tries to not recall if Jaebum had anything etched onto his wrist.

 

Tries not to wonder if Jaebum could possibly be his—he stops himself from wondering.

 

And spends the whole week wishing for the weekend to come sooner instead.

 

* * *

 

The next time Youngjae is back at the cafe, he is without assignments—much to his joy. Instead, his nose is buried into a freshly-borrowed book from the library, one he had been eyeing for a long time. Somehow, he would always miss the few copies that were available. When he finally managed to get one, he rushed to finish his assignments so that he could spend his weekend reading.

 

He began reading with a cup of freshly brewed coffee, but the beverage is soon forgotten as more pages were flipped. Youngjae does not even notice the unusually large crowd present there on a weekend morning (the cafe was usually never crowded until lunch), or when a familiar figure takes a seat opposite him.

 

It is only when Jaebum hums appreciatively that Youngjae finally realizes his guest at the table, a smile immediately forming on his face before he greets the other.

 

"I've come to return your goodwill," Jaebum places a paper bag onto the table, "all washed and perfectly cleaned."

 

Youngjae thanks him for his thoughtfulness, book forgotten as he studies Jaebum's nicely styled hair and stylish clothes. When Jaebum chuckles, Youngjae realizes that he has been staring and quickly averts his gaze.

 

"Do I look good?" Jaebum asks.

 

"Excuse me?" Youngjae's voice comes out higher than he intended it to.

 

"I'm heading to a party later tonight and want to look my best," the older boy explains, not bothering to hide his amused grin upon seeing Youngjae's reaction, "what do you think?"

 

"Hot," Youngjae's eyes widen, his tongue tied. "I mean," he coughs, "great. You look **great**. Why are you already dressed for a party that is only happening later tonight?"

 

Jaebum does not comment on his slip of tongue but smiles in satisfaction instead, thanking him and explaining that he would just be out all day and heading over after. Youngjae expects him to leave, but the other does not. "Want to come to the party with me?"

 

Laughing because the invitation is abrupt and he is nowhere near dressed for a party, Youngjae asks why the other bothered inviting him. Jaebum looks _**so**_ sincere when he answers that the party is open to all students, and that he is intrigued about Youngjae to wants to spend more time with him that Youngjae _almost_ changes his mind, _almost_ agreeing to go.

 

"Parties aren't really my thing," the younger boy confesses.

 

"What is, then?"

 

Lifting up his book, Youngjae answers that he enjoyed the company of books, games and movies more than being in a crowd.

 

"Want to watch a movie with me then?"

 

Youngjae laughs again, but finds himself asking Jaebum when and what movie.

 

The older boy suggests to catch one now, and that Youngjae can choose any movie he wanted. "It'll be my treat, as thanks for your clothes."

 

"What about your party?"

 

"It's later tonight, I can drop by after the movie," Jaebum explains. "Anyway, parties happen every weekend, but I wouldn't know when I'll run into you again."

 

At Jaebum's words, Youngjae feels heat rise to his cheeks. He is reminded of the times strangers have tried to ask him out, but before he can come up with an excuse to decline, his mind reminds him of a movie he had been planning to watch. Mark was supposed to join him, but they had cancelled in favour of video games instead.

 

He had not been able to find anyone else to watch the movie with, as it was a rather niche title. Assuming Jaebum would lose interest, he voices the name anyway, prepared for the other to regret his decision and head for his party instead.

 

Jaebum's face lights up at Youngjae's choice of movie and drags the younger boy out of the cafe in a matter of seconds, heading towards the nearest cinema.

 

* * *

 

Youngjae tears up during the movie so much that he has to cry into the towel Jaebum had returned earlier. The older boy is so taken aback by the crying boy that he reaches to hold the other's shaking body.

 

"Are you alright?" Jaebum whispers as Youngjae chokes back a sob. "I mean, I guess you're not, but do you want to stop watching? We could leave."

 

Managing only a whimper instead of a coherent answer, Youngjae earns a harsh hush from the person seated in the row before his. He is about to apologize when Jaebum leans forward to speak into the person's ear. Youngjae does not hear the words, but the person is quiet throughout the rest of the movie—even when Youngjae lets out a choked sob.

 

"What did you tell him?" Youngjae finally asks Jaebum when the credits roll. The person exits the cinema before Youngjae could sneak a peek at the person's face.

 

"Ah," Jaebum looks up for a moment before returning his gaze to the credits, "I just told him that I'd make him cry way more than you if he wouldn't let you watch this in peace."

 

"You **_threatened_** him?"

 

Jaebum shrugs, "I just warned him, Youngjae." A smirk appears on the older boy's face, illuminated by the dim lights in the cinema.

 

"Thanks," Youngjae whispers, wiping his eyes one last time before keeping the towel. "Sorry for being so embarrassing. I knew I'd get emotional, but not this much."

 

"It's fine. At least you had a towel, huh?"

 

"Don't know what I would've done without it," Youngjae shakes his head.

 

"I'd have lent you my shirt and shoulder in that case."

 

Jaebum's reply is soft, but not unheard. Youngjae feels himself blush, feels his insides knot together, feels his breath hitch—and when the other turns to look at him, he drowns in the other's gaze. There is a hint of longing in the older boy's eyes, and Youngjae wonders if it is for him.

 

He does not understand why he feels at ease with Jaebum, having always felt awkward with people he had just met. It had taken him a whole month before calling Mark his friend—not because he was arrogant, but because of the opposite. Youngjae had always been worried that he was overstepping his boundaries and only felt comfortable with someone else when **they**  told him so.

 

His worry had become such a bad habit that he would always distance himself from others, hoping they would take the initiative. Yet when strangers did approach him, Youngjae's first instinct was to shy away.

 

"What's on your mind?" Jaebum's voice breaks his train of thoughts.

 

"Just," Youngjae reaches to run a hand through his hair, suddenly flustered at the question. "I think we should get going," he says, noticing the cinema crew begin to clean up.

 

Jaebum looks as if he is caught off-guard by the suggestion, but he nods and moves towards the exit anyway. As they step through the doors, Youngjae can't help but feel as if he had left something behind.

 

Not his belongings or emotions, but a missed opportunity.

 

* * *

 

It is pouring outside when they emerge from the mall and Youngjae frowns at the sight, footsteps halted before the mall's glass doors.

 

He hears Jaebum's familiar chuckle—Youngjae wonders for a moment when it began being familiar—and the other reaches to tap the side of his lips. "That doesn't suit you," the older boy states, "did you not like the movie? Or do you hate the rain so much?"

 

"I don't like walking in the rain," Youngjae answers and adds, "and it'll be more troublesome for you to get to your party."

 

"You're worried about me?" Jaebum lets out a sound of appreciation, "I'm more worried about you."

 

"What about me?" Youngjae asks defensively. "I can take care of myself perfectly well, unlike someone who drenched himself a while back."

 

For a second, Jaebum looks at him incredulously and Youngjae wonders if the other is angry—but Jaebum bursts out laughing instead. Dumbfounded, the younger boy asks if he said anything worth laughing over.

 

"Nothing, I'm just amused. You're amusingly unpredictable, Youngjae."

 

The way Jaebum says his name sounds as if they have been friends for years. "What do you mean, unpredictable? You barely know me, of course you won't know enough to predict my actions," Youngjae purses his lips after.

 

"I spend a lot of time people watching," Jaebum replies, "I'd like to think I know a bit more about you than you imagine I would." Youngjae raises an eyebrow at Jaebum's bold statement, but asks him to continue.

 

"Do you want to go to a cafe? The rain doesn't look like it'll stop anytime soon," Jaebum suggests, and they do, under the condition that Jaebum will tell Youngjae three things he has observed about the younger boy so far—and if he is wrong, coffee will be on him.

 

"And, what if you get it all correct?" Youngjae asks, just in case.

 

"What would you suggest? Coffee on you? Or," a grin tugs at the side of Jaebum's lips, "want to follow me to the party?"

 

It is Youngjae's turn to laugh and he reaches to lightly slap Jaebum on the arm, asking why he kept insisting on inviting Youngjae. "Well, here's the first thing I've figured out about you: you actually like meeting new people, but are shy about it."

 

Ridiculous, Youngjae almost says out loud—because it is **_so_** true. It feels like a deep and locked away part of him had been dug out to be cleaned, he takes a breath, thrilled at someone having noticed, but also embarrassed for having his somewhat-secret be found out.

 

"Since you're not answering, I guess that's one for me?" There is a grin on Jaebum's face, but it isn't one that Youngjae had expected—not a grin of accomplishment or pride of having unearthed someone's secret, but one that made him glow like a child who had been praised for the first time. It temporarily hid Jaebum's chic image away under a cover of innocence and Youngjae thought it was rather interesting, if not comforting.

 

"Secondly," Jaebum continues, "it is because you're very picky about the people you want to meet. You're not a lonely soul looking for friends, but you're looking for someone who matches—say, probably a list of requirements in your head?"

 

Youngjae wants to call foul, because _how did Jaebum know_? Mark had only found out about this months after they were properly friends and started hanging out in each other's places. Even BamBam, whose life mission seemed to be procuring everyone's secrets only dug it out from Youngjae after he had tried to set Youngjae up on a blind date for the third time.

 

Instead of verbally confirming whether he was correct or not, Jaebum's lips merely curve into a victorious grin. He does not move on to his third guess, despite the cafe coming into view, so Youngjae gives in and asks instead, trying not to sound too curious about what else Jaebum had to say.

 

"Last but not least," Jaebum's voice grows softer, "the two I've mentioned before are because you're looking for your soulmate."

 

Eyes widening at the words, Youngjae feels as if his heart had stopped beating, as if the world had stopped spinning. Never mind Jaebum reading him so easily—but to the point of his subtle search for a soulmate? Sure, BamBam had called him a soul-desperate soul before, but no one else had because Youngjae had always acted so nonchalant about it.

 

Before Youngjae can ask about how Jaebum knew, the older boy motions to the cafe's menu behind the counter and mentions that he would like a cup or Americano. Obliging all too quickly due to his curiosity, Youngjae pays and tugs on Jaebum's arm to take a seat right after their drinks are served at the counter.

 

He does not notice the look of teasing amusement on Jaebum's face at his antics until he is properly seated. Ignoring it, he looks at the other expectantly instead and asks: "How?"

 

Jaebum takes a sip of his drink and repeats after him, "how?"

 

"As in, how did you know?"

 

"Well," Jaebum is flustered at Youngjae's sudden interest towards the topic—towards **him** —and runs a hand through his hair, "besides my experience from having people watched for a long time, I also saw the time mark on your wrist the other night." The older boy grins ends his explanation with an apologetic smile, as if sorry that he could not tell Youngjae that he had psychic powers instead.

 

It still does not cease to amaze Youngjae, he reaches instinctively to touch the time mark under his sleeve. "Wasn't I wearing long sleeves then...?" He wonders out loud, trying to recall his outfits from their meetings before. It was a habit of his to cover up his time mark, so chances were low that he had worn something short-sleeved instead.

 

Jaebum chuckles at the confused expression on the other's face. "You rolled up your sleeves in your hurry to send your assignment, remember?"

 

Youngjae's mouth forms a perfect O at the memory.

 

He had.

 

The thought of Jaebum noticing his time mark during that time made him flush. Half of Youngjae's mind tells him that the older boy is probably really observant: after all, he had done a lot of people watching. The other half, however, prefers to bask in the attention that Jaebum seemed to have given to Youngjae—and that other half feels exceedingly happy at the thought.

 

"So, um," Youngjae finds himself at a loss suddenly, blaming that other half of him that reveled in the knowledge of Jaebum taking notice of his time mark, "do you have a time mark too?"

 

"Would you like to take a guess?"

 

Youngjae pouts. His guess would be as good as a shot in the dark, having never really paid attention to the other before. A voice in his head tells him to answer 'no', just so that he could be happy if he ended up being wrong—since that would mean that he could relate to the other. He settles on an "I don't know" instead, and sees the corner of Jaebum's lips curve into his signature amused grin.

 

"You were about to guess 'no', right?"

 

His lips part in shock before he can stop them, but Youngjae huffs and refuses to reply instead. It seems to have answered Jaebum's question still, so the other lifts his arm to show both his wrists to the other—there is nothing etched on either wrists.

 

The curve of Jaebum's forearm to his wrist is suddenly captivating and a voice in Youngjae's head urges him to reach out. So he does.

 

His fingers press against the skin of other boy's inner wrist before he knows it. He watches as Jaebum's lips curve once again—but instead of a harmless grin, it curves into a smirk, one that makes Youngjae's heart skip and makes him wonder if he should continue and trace along the curves of Jaebum's arm instead of stopping.

 

But his rational side does berate him, he retracts his hand and apologizes, claiming he doesn't know what came over him. Jaebum merely chuckles again—the sound becoming more and more familiar with each passing moment they shared.

 

"So tell me," Jaebum starts, "how has your search for a soulmate been?"

 

The question is intrusive, Youngjae thinks. It is extremely private information to disclose to someone he had yet to call a friend, but Youngjae feels compelled to answer anyway.

 

"I didn't really care about it at first," he confesses, "I mean, it's silly that you have to be kissing someone on the lips to know if they're The One for you."

 

"You must take your relationships seriously, then."

 

"Don't you?"

 

"Would you like to guess?"

 

Youngjae shakes his head, mouthing a silent "no". "I guess I do know some people who don't mind kissing someone straight away to know, and some who don't mind dating people who aren't their soulmates—but I don't like it."

 

"You've tried?"

 

"...two," Youngjae tries not to sigh. "The first one, well, we only kissed after half a year of dating, so when we found out, we still tried, but it didn't work out and the seco- wait." Pausing, Youngjae looks shocked and Jaebum tries not to laugh. "Why am I telling you this?"

 

Jaebum shrugs with a grin on his face and answers: "Maybe because I asked?"

 

Even though Youngjae's eyebrows raise as a warning, he laughs. "I suppose so."

 

"You're not going to ask me?" Jaebum replies, feigning hurt.

 

"I don't think we're close enough to talk about these... personal things."

 

"You just told me, though?" Jaebum no longer bothers hiding his amusement with Youngjae. "I'd like to tell you, if only you were interested." There is a constant grin on his face and a spark in his eye that makes Youngjae happy. 

 

Happy with the attention he is given, and happy that someone else is taking so much interest in him in a pace he is comfortable with.

 

"Jaebum?"

 

An unfamiliar voice cuts through their conversation and Youngjae turns to look at its owner. A girl waves towards his direction—he knows it isn't for him. As the girl heads towards their table, Youngjae puts on a polite smile and searches for his phone, hearing an exchange of greetings between Jaebum and her and feeling as if he is the one who intruded. 

 

He tries not to eavesdrop, but it is impossible, given the close proximity they were all in. Even though Jaebum occasionally breaks eye contact with the stranger—who does not seem to pay Youngjae much heed—to look at the younger boy, it does not diminish the awkwardness Youngjae feels.

 

Seconds turn into minutes and Youngjae thinks he should leave instead of waiting for their conversation to end, or if ever, include him. Motioning to Jaebum, he slips off his chair and out the cafe before the other can bid him goodbye.

 

The annoyance he feels is rather baffling, until he realizes that it isn't annoyance—but disappointment. It is oddly similar to the feeling he had when exiting the cinema, the regret and bitterness of having lost a chance. For the first time, however, he **finally** understands what it is he wants but prefers not to acknowledge it.

 

A voice in his mind begs to differ, causing Youngjae's regret to grow deeper; causing him to want to turn back and retrace his steps to the cafe. To Jaebum—to at least hear what the other had to say.

 

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed by his thoughts, he takes a seat on a nearby bench. Reaching to rub his temples, Youngjae closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. He feels his phone buzz and checks it to see an apology from Mark, saying that he can't make it for the video game session they had planned tonight due to a family emergency. 

 

"I can't even rant or play games? This is just great," he mutters and sighs again.

 

Before he gets to mutter more complaints, he feels a soft touch at the nape of his neck and jumps—almost dropping his phone.

 

The sound of a familiar chuckle almost brings tears to his eyes.

 

"That's revenge," Jaebum claims, "for leaving without properly saying goodbye."

 

Youngjae looks at Jaebum while trying to contain a whirlwind of feelings: annoyance for having been crept upon, surprise at the other being there, anger—because how dare he have ignored him during the conversation and demand revenge, but one particular feeling reigns over them all: joy.

 

It blossoms into a smile Youngjae cannot hide and he watches as the nervous expression on Jaebum's face turns into one that mirrors his. 

 

Yet his smile _almost_ falters when his wrist itches. 

 

Youngjae tries to ignore it, tries to ignore the warning that he should not fall for someone who might not turn out to be his soulmate. He does not want to be reminded of the heartbreak that came with finding out that the person he thought he could spend the rest of his life with—was not. Ever since his second breakup, he had not found the courage to take another risk in relationships. 

 

He thinks he should stop before getting himself into another bout of anguish, but his resolve fails when he sees Jaebum's hands reach out to almost hold his wrist, only to stop and ask: "Would you like to continue where we left off?"


	3. Meridiem

"Um, do you think you should let go of my hand?"

 

Jaebum glances at their linked hands and lets out a soft 'oh'—as if he had not noticed earlier.

 

After Youngjae had placed his hand into Jaebum's as a sign of agreement to his question, the other had not bothered to release his hand; as if walking together hand-in-hand with Youngjae was something natural to him.

 

_But it did feel so to Youngjae._

 

The warmth of Jaebum's hand enveloping his had been so comfortable that he had let it be until he tried to look at his watch and saw their linked hands. It was then when he was reminded that they were **not** dating and should not be doing so in public, lest anyone they knew saw and misunderstood.

 

Jaebum gently loosens his hold on Youngjae's hand, allowing it to slip down from his grasp. The younger boy tries not to react, unsure of why he feels disappointed at the loss of contact even though he was the one who requested it.

 

Moving onto another thought to distract himself, Youngjae asks if they are heading back to the cafe. "I'm not really thirsty though," he speaks his thoughts before Jaebum can reply.

 

As if he had been waiting for those words, Jaebum's face lights up and he tells Youngjae that he knows exactly where to go. He seems so sure that the younger boy can't help but shoot him a look of suspicion, but Youngjae only receives a wider grin from the other in reply.

 

They move through the mall while the downpour continued outside. As Jaebum leads him through walkways and up escalators, Youngjae realizes that is is entirely unfamiliar with the mall—even though it was one of the biggest, and thus most popular among the students, in the area. Jaebum, however, seemed to know it as if it is his second home.

 

"We're here," the older boy announces after a while. Youngjae studies the almost unnoticeable storefront they are standing before.

 

"Is this actually," Youngjae begins, but Jaebum already answers with a yes.

 

"Are you sure, you're not-" he starts again, yet Jaebum answers affirmatively again before Youngjae even finishes his question, "-teasing me right?"

 

"And what is this, may I ask, just in case?" His last words overlap with Jaebum's answer. It is a bookstore.

 

A very peculiar one in terms of Youngjae's current knowledge and impressions of bookstores, but it doesn't look too far _unlike_ one, when he gives it another look.

 

"A book cafe, actually," Jaebum adds when he steps through the doorway, lightly touching Youngjae's arm as if to make sure he would follow.

 

The person at the counter greets Jaebum by his name, warmly and familiarly. It makes Youngjae feel slightly guilty for being surprised that Jaebum would actually know and frequent such a place. He had not imagined the other to be someone who would spend time much time reading, but a smile tugs at Youngjae's lips at the new-found information.

 

"I know what's going through your mind now" Jaebum warns, "you better not say it out loud." But his voice is soft and he looks at Youngjae so tenderly that it throws the younger boy off for a few seconds.

 

However, as soon as they both take a seat at a secluded corner behind a tall shelf filled with books of varying sizes and colours, the look in Jaebum's eyes is gone and Youngjae wonders if it had merely been his imagination.

 

A soft song is playing in the background, blended into the patter of raindrops as Youngjae soaks in the atmosphere of the cafe. He had known about them, heard about them—but it was his first time in one, since he had always preferred his room or the usual cafe. He concludes that it **is** more lovely than what he had imagined and he feels so relaxed that he is to be there. A tiny voice in his head suggests that his company might have something to do with it, but Youngjae brushes it away.

 

"So," Jaebum breaks the silence, "can I get you a drink? My treat. I know you said you weren't thirsty, but they don't let us in to read for free, you know."

 

Youngjae can't help but give Jaebum an are-you-serious look, of _course_  he knew. Still, he likes the hint of amusement in Jaebum's eyes upon seeing his look. Reaching out for the menu, Youngjae skims through and decides to order the cheapest drink possible.

 

"You don't have to mind the price, you know," Jaebum says as he stands to place their order. When Youngjae looks back in silent surprise, he adds, "just in case you were, I mean."

 

Despite his words, Youngjae does not voice a change for his order, merely watching the older boy walk past the shelf towards the counter to order. When Jaebum is out of sight, the thought of being suddenly alone makes him feel unexpectedly awkward. Confused, Youngjae tells himself that it is a first, and there will always be firsts—as if the words would comfort him.

 

They do, slightly, but not as much as the moment when Jaebum returns with their drinks and take his place in the empty seat opposite him. On any other day, Youngjae would mentally slap himself for actually missing someone who had been away for less than five minutes. Yet as the rain poured outside, with the subtle scent of books and tea enveloping him in the little corner of the cafe—Youngjae pays no heed to his usual standards and allows himself to drown in the sight of Jaebum.

 

For the first time since they have met, Youngjae studies Jaebum: from his messy yet stylish hair, the two moles above his eye, the glint in eyes that mesmerizes Youngjae more than he wanted to admit, the multiple piercings adorning his ears, the perfect jawline down to his broad shoulders—Youngjae realizes that he is staring but allows himself to be entirely lost in the sight.

 

He does not even bother shifting his gaze when Jaebum catches him staring, watching as surprise takes over the other's expression and settle into a pleased smile. Seconds pass, ticking into minutes, but Youngjae finds no reason to tear his gaze away from Jaebum's eyes. A hint of invitation resides in the other's eyes, and Youngjae feels compelled to figure out what the invitation is for.

 

Unfortunately, he does not find an answer. Their gazes shift and Youngjae feels as if a special connection had been broken, bringing him back to his senses. A wave of awkwardness wraps around him immediately, and Youngjae can no longer find it in him to look at Jaebum, wondering if his cheeks were flushed—and if the other would notice.

 

If he had, Jaebum doesn't comment, choosing instead to ask Youngjae about the book he was reading. The younger boy stammers a reply: a fantasy adventure, the second in the series and that he loved the first so much he had been waiting to borrow this volume. A grin tugs at the sides of Jaebum's lips, and he tells Youngjae that he had just returned a copy to the campus library a few days ago.

 

"I saw you reading it earlier. I've been following the series as well, and have always been waiting for the books to be returned so I could continue, but then I found them here," Jaebum pauses for a bit to take a sip of his drink, "so I thought to bring you here—they have the rest of the books here."

 

A soft 'wow' escapes Youngjae's lips upon hearing Jaebum's words. His reaction tints Jaebum's cheeks pink, causing the other to rub his nose and avert his gaze momentarily before turning back to flash him an almost-shy smile.

 

"Thank you," is all Youngjae can say. He tries to digest the knowledge: of Jaebum having noticed the book he was reading, of the both of them reading the same series, of Jaebum telling him that he could just read the rest here instead of waiting to borrow them from the library. He is confused and thankful and it makes him feel slightly braver.

 

"So," he starts, bewildered by his own enthusiasm, "are we going to continue where we left off?"

 

Jaebum seems genuinely surprised at the question—even though he had been the one to suggest that earlier. The surprise on his face ebbs away into a thoughtful look, as if he is choosing his next words carefully.

 

"Do you have many friends who don't have the time mark?"

 

Youngjae ponders for a moment before shaking his head. "No. Thankfully, I guess. We're all looking for someone else and not guessing within our own circles."

 

Jaebum hums. "Have you ever wondered what it is like to be the one without the mark?"

 

"I have," Youngjae answers softly, "but I never came to a conclusion. I mean, I don't want to pretend I'll understand. And, I guess, I have always felt that it was too invasive to ask..."

 

There is a sad smile on Jaebum's face when he says: "That's what I thought too, about asking my friends who did have the time mark."

 

Taking another sip of his drink, Jaebum continues. "Lucky for me, Jinyoung—my friend, if you remember him from the first time we met—he filled me in on everything. Sorry again about him being that way, again."

 

Youngjae chuckles at the memory and waves a hand dismissively.

 

"So, Jinyoung. He has a time mark, and he's never held back from complaining about how much agony it is being the one to search for the other." Before Jaebum continues, Youngjae realizes two things.

 

One, that he can relate to Jinyoung's feelings really well.

 

And, two: that he knew what Jaebum would say next.

 

So he reaches out, grabbing Jaebum's hand on the table to silence the other before he could carry on.

 

"I know it isn't all sunshine and rainbows for the person who doesn't have one too," his voice is barely above a whisper, his voice laced with a silent but fierce assurance that he understood, too.

 

It catches Jaebum slightly off-guard and the other's parted lips close to form a small smile. "It isn't. I made sure to tell Jinyoung that after his hundreth complaint."

 

Youngjae's hold loosens upon hearing those words, and he returns his hands to his cup. "You've also been searching, then...?" Youngjae asks, genuinely curious.

 

"I did, once upon a time. Dreamed of how I would bump into someone who I would just click with, someone I would just fall for, and we'd kiss and I'd know," Jaebum pauses for a bit to sigh, a smile of regret gracing his handsome features. "I don't know why I'd ever thought it would be that easy."

 

The bitterness and regret in his words resonate within Youngjae's chest strongly, so much that Youngjae finds it hard to reply.

 

"But it didn't stop me from trying. I've flirted, dated, made out—I've done so much, _Youngjae_ ," his name sounds like a plea from Jaebum, a silent call to save him. "But every time I kiss the other person at the supposed time but don't see a mark on my wrist, it makes me wonder if that's all there is to love."

 

Jaebum's voice breaks at the last words, causing Youngjae's heart to hurt a little too. "So, to cut the story short: I've stopped searching."

 

The twist in the other's narration causes Youngjae's eyes to widen.

 

"I decided not to let the world, or fate, or whatever it is, limit my feelings, control my actions," Jaebum waves a hand in circular motions, gesturing that there is more, but he does not say anything else for a long moment.

 

Youngjae waits with bated breath for him to continue, so he can find out the conclusion of someone who had decided to just go against the natural law of what he had grown up trying to adhere to.

 

"I just want to love properly, you know? Not go around kissing strangers just for the sake of finding that one person, and leaving if they aren't."

 

It is a shrouded confession, one that leaves both of speechless.

 

Jaebum's gaze is downwards, into his cup—and Youngjae thinks it might be better that way, so he doesn't see the raw emotion that might be flashing in the other's eyes.

 

"I mean, I'm not judging those who do. It's perfectly understandable if someone prefers to just get it over with and move on. But I can't. I just want to go through the steps and enjoy every part of it."

 

"Even if it is destined to end...?" Youngjae asks, unsure.

 

"Even then," is Jaebum's answer. "Even if it hurts a thousand times, I'm glad to have been able to have indulged in my feelings."

 

"That's brave," Youngjae comments sincerely. It earns him a grateful look from the other and they share a moment of silent understanding and comfort before Jaebum's eyebrows furrow. Apologizing, he admits for the sudden serious turn of the conversation, stating that he has no idea what got over him.

 

Youngjae shakes his head, wondering if the other will continue—but Jaebum stands, mentioning that he will get some books for them to pass the time while waiting for the downpour to stop.

 

* * *

 

It rains for another long hour.

  
However, Youngjae feels as if time had passed too soon. They had ended up reading silently, although Youngjae had been tending to more thoughts than actually taking in the inked words of the book he cradled.

  
Jaebum's words are a constant echo in his mind, stirring the lines he had drawn, riling the once-dormant rebellious spirit in him. He was right, why did Youngjae still choose to life in such a stifling way? Of being afraid to love? 

  
_It's the heartbreak_ , a voice of logic in his mind reminds him. 

  
As his gaze falls upon Jaebum, who is engrossed in a book opposite him, Youngjae wonders if there are some people who are worth his heart breaking for. He feels a tingle in his palm where Jaebum's hand had been, a shiver across his body where Jaebum had held him in the cinema—and deep down, he knows his resolve is slipping, but he just can't bring himself to go beyond the line.

  
"Oh," Jaebum's voice is warm, but distant when he points out that the rain has finally stopped.

 

* * *

 

The evening air is chilly from the rain, so Youngjae reaches to wrap his arms around himself instinctively. His action does not go unnoticed by Jaebum, who reaches out lightly stroke the other's arm. "Are you alright?"

 

It is a simple question that Youngjae finds hard to answer.

 

There are so many things that feel right, yet wrong to him at that moment.

 

It feels right, standing next to Jaebum at the side of a bustling street. Crowds pass them by, but time seems to have stopped for the both of them, neither really making a move to leave.

 

It feels right, shuffling just that little bit closer to Jaebum to shield himself from the chilly wind; feels right when Jaebum looks at him with an expression of worry and care; feels right when Jaebum's fingers touch him.

 

Yet it feels like everything would go downhill if he made a move.

 

Feels like he would ruin something precious if he took a risk; feels like the pain at the end of pleasure would not be worth it.

 

Youngjae thanks Jaebum: for watching a movie with him, for the nice company throughout the day, for introducing him to a cosy little place to read—and lifts his arm up to look at his watch, but not really looking at the time. It is just a natural movement to use make things less awkward for himself, and he says that maybe it is time for him to go home. "Don't you have a party to go to?", he adds.

 

Jaebum looks reluctant for a bit before nodding. "Yeah, I guess I should get going too."

 

They exchange hesitant and slightly awkward goodbye waves.

 

Before Jaebum steps away, Youngjae reaches out slightly—perhaps out of impulse, perhaps out of fear, perhaps out of longing—he doesn't know, but he does.

 

Jaebum stops in his track from the touch on his back, turning back to give Youngjae a curious look.

 

"I-I think, maybe," Youngjae stammers, breathes, and fidgets as he tries to voice his thoughts.

 

Jaebum does not rush him, merely smiling and waiting for the other to find his words.

 

"Could we exchange phone numbers, maybe?" The words come out too fast, Youngjae wonders if he even said them right at all, wonders if he had already screwed up—but Jaebum beams, his face lighting up.

 

"Of course, Youngjae, I'd be more than happy to."

 

Warmth covers Youngjae's cheeks and he looks downwards, fumbling for his phone and passing it to Jaebum to key in his contact. He doesn't really register when Jaebum says that he will call from Youngjae's phone to get his number, or when Jaebum passes his phone back to him—until the other is walking away, and he is turning to leave as well.

 

His footsteps are heavy, his breathing suffocated, and he dares not to look back.

 

He bites his bottom lip, clenches his fist, and wills himself to take another step towards home.

 

A vibration from the pocket of his jeans halts his steps.

 

The familiar voice from the other end makes him exhale a breath he did not know he was holding.

 

"Just asking, for the last time, I promise," Jaebum's voice is comfort to his ears, "would you like to go to the party with me?"

 

* * *

 

Youngjae really isn't one for parties, but he finds himself walking into one anyway. He feels intimidated, feeling under-dressed even though Jaebum had assured him that he looked fine.

 

Jaebum's hand is at the small of his back, encouraging and comforting. The music blaring from inside the house envelopes them before they even step through the door. Once inside, Youngjae  feels as if he is drowning in a sea of bodies.

 

He shrinks in reaction only to feel Jaebum's arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. Drawing strength from their proximity, Youngjae follows Jaebum through the other party-goers, seemingly headed towards the back of the house.

 

It seems like Jaebum is all too familiar with the enormous house, moving through corridors and reaching a dark blue door. The music is not as fainter in this part of the house, even though Youngjae can still feel the thump of the beats, or it could be his heartbeats—or both, he can't really tell anymore.

 

Jaebum turns the door knob and steps inside, and they are immediately greeted by a chorus of hellos. Youngjae recognizes some of his seniors, and Jinyoung—who looks surprised to see him. The other stands up from his seat from the other corner of the room and makes his way towards them, a grin forming on his face as he neared the pair.

 

"Jaebum! I didn't think you'd make it," he wraps his arms briefly around the other, "you're either early to parties or never there at all."

 

"I was caught in the rain," Jaebum explains, but does not care to elaborate. Instead, he motions to Youngjae, introducing him.

 

"This is Youngjae. Do you remember him? We met him at the cafe."

 

"Oh," Jinyoung almost smirks, "of course I do. Although my memory of that night might not be as perfect as yours is." Jaebum looks alarmed for a moment before glaring at Jinyoung and Youngjae wonders if he missed anything.

 

"Anyway, grab some drinks! Make yourselves at home!" Jinyoung guides them towards a small table laden with bottles and cans, then leans in to whisper in Jaebum's ear. The other's eyes widen in shock before resuming to glare at Jinyoung, who merely laughs and moves away.

 

He turns around to wink at Youngjae before resuming his seat again, falling back into conversation with some other people as if he had never left.

 

"Any drinks you fancy?" Jaebum's expression is soft again when Youngjae turns to look at him. "There's not much to choose from besides alcohol and more alcohol. Or there might be juice in the kitchen, I could go get it in case you-"

 

"It's fine," Youngjae reaches to place a hand on the other's arm, feeling too spoiled by Jaebum. "Alcohol is fine, don't trouble yourself."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Very." And to prove his point, Youngjae reaches for a bottle and opener, flicking the cap off and taking a sip. He smiles at Jaebum reassuringly, "see?"

 

Jaebum looks at him for a few seconds, a look of affection on his face, before he reaches to ruffle Youngjae's hair and reach for a bottle for himself. The younger boy tries to his the his flushed cheeks upon the small touch and quickly takes another sip.

 

"Do you want to stay here and meet the others? Or would you like to find someplace quiet to chat?"

 

Youngjae has never imagined a party to be quiet, much less having a space to chat—although it did not seem too impossible, judging by the size of the house he had seen.

 

Already feeling overwhelmed, he asks if it is alright to go with the latter.

 

Jaebum has no objections, grabbing a box of pizza and motioning for Youngjae to follow him.

 

* * *

 

The little room on the first floor opens up to a cozy balcony with a gorgeous railing where the two find themselves leaning onto, bottles in one hand and an almost non-existent gap between their bodies.

 

Alcohol had always been a surefire way for Youngjae to relax around others, and with Jaebum, it comes even easier. They eat as they talk: about themselves, their hometowns, hobbies and favourite music. Then Youngjae listens to Jaebum's stories of Jinyoung; how they met, their college adventures and party mishaps.

 

Youngjae laughs and exclaims, and at one point, he doesn't hold back from asking if he had ever kissed Jinyoung.

 

The other looks taken aback by the question, raising an eyebrow at Youngjae before taking a long swig from the bottle and answering with a "no".

 

"You seem really close to him, though, have you never wanted to find out if he is your soulmate?" Part of Youngjae's mind yells at him to stop asking questions that he might not like the answers to, but liquid courage overpowers it.

 

Jaebum shrugs.

 

"Maybe I pondered about it at one point, but I never felt like it would be. We're just friends, and we both prefer it that way. Jinyoung has been chasing after someone for the longest time, actually. And I'm definitely not his type." Jaebum grins coyly, as if he is revealing a secret to Youngjae.

 

"What is your type?", Youngjae asks before he realizes it. He thinks he enjoys the surprise that crosses Jaebum's face every time he says something to catch the other off-guard. It made him happy to know that his words had such an effect on such a chic person.

 

Jaebum shrugs again, although this time not from doubt.

 

"Someone familiar," he starts, "someone who makes me feel as if I'm remembering them as I get to know them more. As if I had known them before, or in another time."

 

"That's deep," Youngjae concludes, taking another sip from his bottle. "You're a romantic, huh."

 

Jaebum laughs. "Is that a compliment?"

 

Youngjae merely smiles in reply, but Jaebum doesn't push him for a confirmation, opting instead to down the contents of his bottle and letting out a sound of satisfaction. 

 

Looking at Jaebum from the side, Youngjae notes to himself yet again about how handsome the other is. However, Jaebum's good looks aren't what keeps Youngjae mesmerized.

 

There is always a look in his eyes that Youngjae can't seem to figure out, but want to. A look that causes him to feel flustered, causes his heart to skip.

 

Before, he wasn't sure why—but ironically, under the slight haze of alcohol, Youngjae understands.

 

The little voice in his head, the same one that often urged him to stay up till 1:31AM, the one that threw him into panic whenever someone would approach him at the time, the same voice that sighs into the wide blank of his mind right now, shoves to the front of his thoughts that: he  _likes_ Jaebum.

 

Not a sizzling hot kind of love or an incredible longing, but a deep feeling of wanting to know more about the other, to be with him. Not just because he is desperate to find a soulmate, but only because he felt _so much_ at ease with Jaebum. 

 

Unlike the times before, the feeling does not strike him like a bolt of rushing thunder, but is like cool waves that lap at his feet with the sun shining above.

 

Despite the comfort, he can't ignore the warnings that are blaring in his mind. He had always tried to steer clear of having crushes in fear of falling in love with someone who turned out to **not** be his soulmate.

 

If anyone had a time mark, he would cross them off the list immediately. He was slightly less wary of those without time marks—after all, they did have a chance of turning out to be the person he is searching for, but a few kisses in the past that revealed nothing on his partners' wrists have left him jaded.

 

"Earth to Youngjae?" Jaebum's hand waves before him, snapping Youngjae back into reality. " Penny for your thoughts?"

 

The younger boy shakes his head, after all, what was he to say?

 

Jaebum is looking at him expectantly, however, so he digs for an answer.

 

"I guess, well, I'm just wondering if I'll ever be as brave as you are."

 

The same look of surprise crosses Jaebum's face. Youngjae admits to himself then that he really loves the sight.

 

"As in, what we were talking about before?"

 

"Yeah, about loving despite getting hurt. I don't think I can ever, it's just," Youngjae downs his beer, "it's nothing."

 

Once again, Jaebum does not push him for an answer and he is grateful.

 

"You know, you said I was brave, but I think I'm just reckless. No, I **know**  I am," Jaebum smiles at him sheepishly. "But maybe one day, when you're tired of being careful, you'll be like me. Stepping out of your comfort zone to reach for something you want even though it might not turn out the way you hope it will."

 

"Maybe," Youngjae sounds wistful.

 

"Maybe if you find someone who is worth it," Jaebum offers.

 

A flash of lightning lights up the night, startling Youngjae in addition to Jaebum's words. He glances at his watch and is shocked to see the hands pointing well past midnight, almost thirty minutes past one o' clock.

 

Almost 1:31AM.

 

"I didn't realize it was so late," he mumbles, jumping when another streak of white flashed through the sky, followed by a deep rumble of thunder.

 

Jaebum laughs at him, pulling him into an embrace to comfort him—although it only makes Youngjae more jittery than he already is. Even though the other had held him once in the cinema, being out on the balcony in the crisp night air in Jaebum's arms made him even more nervous than before.

 

He can smell the subtle scent of cologne on Jaebum, something he had not notice before.

 

Jaebum inhales, a light laugh escapes his lips when Youngjae jumps again and closes his eyes from another rumble of thunder. When Youngjae's eyes open, he finds Jaebum's gaze on him. 

 

Up close, Jaebum's eyes are more expressive than ever. Unsaid words swimming in the hazel of Jaebum's iris, unasked questions on the tip of his tongue, unspoken wants expressed through his touch.

 

He can feel the older boy's heartbeats, thumping almost as fast as his own—perhaps even faster.

 

Youngjae wonders if Jaebum knows what his actions are doing to him. Admittedly, he could be rather dense—Mark had pointed out many times before—but even Youngjae knew that Jaebum would at least feel **_half_** as interested as he was in the other to have done everything that led them up to the moment.

 

He feels Jaebum's fingers on his back, soft but hesitant but _there_ , and it fills Youngjae with _something_ —maybe it is what Jaebum was talking about. 

 

He thinks that maybe, this could be that one time he could be reckless.

 

Pulling back just enough to see the contented expression on Jaebum's face one last time, Youngjae decides to take a bet, closing his eyes and leaning in to kiss the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MANAGED ANOTHER CHAPTER  
> (And I deleted the first chapter accidentally because fumbling with AO3 when you're lacking sleep isn't the best thing to do...)
> 
> This was supposed to be the last chapter, but things grew longer than I expected, so the next part will be the last instead :) I promise! It started out as a one-shot after all. (Oops.)
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments :) They're what kept me going in the late night!  
> Also, I didn't get to beta read it, so forgive me for any mistakes!  
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter :)


	4. Post

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait - IT IS FINALLY DONE! ＼＼٩(๑`^´๑)۶//
> 
> Just a heads up that I finished this at 2AM and didn't have anyone to beta read it - so I will read through later again and fix up any mistakes (hopefully no horribly huge ones)!
> 
> Thank you to all who have commented and looked forward to this update, hope you'll enjoy this last chapter!

There is no such thing as a perfect kiss—or so Youngjae had always believed, until the moment his lips meet Jaebum's.

 

Everything feels absolutely  _divine_.

 

Despite Jaebum's chic aura, his lips are sweetly warm—hot, even—and very inviting on Youngjae's. The younger boy doesn't know if it is him who is desperately pushing forward, or if Jaebum is the one pulling him forward. All he knows is that it feels all too  **nice** _._

 _  
_ He lets the thoughts in his mind melt away under Jaebum's careful yet persistent kisses, letting out an involuntary whimper when he realizes that he is not imagining it at all—that Jaebum  **is**  actually returning the kiss.

 

That it isn't a selfish one-sided whim on his end.

 

Jaebum's fingers have abandoned their place on his back, moving to trace along his neck, his jaw, and finally settling on his cheeks—holding them gently yet firmly as if he feared he would lose him. It makes happiness bloom throughout Youngjae's being; he has no thoughts of breaking the kiss anyway.

 

In fact, with quite opposite intentions in mind.

 

The younger boy's fingers find the side of Jaebum's shirt to pull them impossibly closer, feeling the contrasting warmth of the other's body in the cool air—Youngjae feels like he has been lit on fire. He had never kissed many people; being one who had always been apprehensive about kissing strangers, so he knows his kiss is sloppy, amateurish, and possibly too eager despite his lack of experience.

 

Still, he is overwhelmed by how comfortable he feels, and it scares him—like the comfort of a calm before a storm.

 

He knows that he will soon find out if Jaebum is his soulmate, that the night would either end in joy or with him cast into a dilemma—but for once, Youngjae decides to let himself live in the moment.

 

Even if it is a brief one.

 

Even if he can only indulge in the temporary pleasure of Jaebum's lips on his, of Jaebum's hands exploring his body, of being the target of Jaebum's attention and desire for now if not anytime after.

 

Or could he?

 

A whimper escapes him when Jaebum's tongue slides into his mouth. Despite his prior inhibitions, he can't help but want more, clinging onto Jaebum as if his life depended on it. The low moan from Jaebum only encourages him more.

 

Youngjae loses track of time—after all, who kept track of time when they were being kissed so thoroughly and lovingly kissed anyway—only to jump and pull back when a loud roar of thunder rings through the sky.

 

The first thing Youngjae notices is the smile on Jaebum's face. The older boy is smiling in a daze, a pleased and contented smile gracing his features, somewhat shy but obviously happy—as if kissing Youngjae had been the only wish left in his life that had just been granted.

 

Jaebum rests his forehead on Youngjae's, and Youngjae notices that they are both panting, trying to catch their breaths.

 

Because, as cheesy as it seemed, the kiss was literally breathtaking.

 

Yet, even though he could just indulge in those little joys—Youngjae cannot help but wonder, cannot help but be curious.

 

He needed to know.

 

It was 1:31AM when he kissed Jaebum, if only-

 

He steps back, heart thumping wildly in his chest. Instinctively, he presses another kiss onto Jaebum's lips, both smiling at the action, before reaching for the other's wrist.

 

His eyes scan it the skin of Jaebum's wrist, desperately hoping for something,  _anything_ , to be there.

 

There is none.

 

Unbelieving, he reaches for Jaebum's other wrist, his fingers shaking as he gently holds on.

 

The other's skin is as clean and bare as can be.

 

Youngjae feels his heart tightening up in a familiar and suffocating ache.

 

* * *

 

The rain is a cold and cruel wake-up call for Youngjae, filling him up with anger, sadness, resentment—but mostly anguish.

 

He allows the grief to fuel him, lets the sharp pain be the motivation to continue sprinting through the heavy downpour towards home.

 

Away from Jaebum.

 

Away from what he already knew would be a bad decision.

 

He tries to be rational, to be fair to himself—it wasn't entirely a bad decision. It was just a decision with heavy risks, a fifty-fifty risk. He was just giving himself, giving  **them** a chance.

 

It wasn't so bad, he thinks.

 

And laughs.

 

He could almost convince himself of the lie, if only he could stop thinking of Jaebum and of what could have been. That even if they dated, because they weren't soulmates, it would not work out in the end and it would be even  _ **more**_ painful.

 

Even though he is enveloped by the sound of rain, Youngjae still hears Jaebum voice, still hears the other calling his name. He lets out a bitter laugh, how could Jaebum's voice already be etched into his mind?

 

It had barely been a day.

 

How had he fallen for someone in such a short time?

 

How could it hurt  _so_ much, even though they had barely spent a day together?

 

Youngjae tries to erase Jaebum's face, expressions, and the hurt that crossed the other's face when he had made a move to leave.

 

Yet despite his attempts, the scene merely replays itself over and over in his mind.

 

Upon realization that Jaebum was not his soulmate, Youngjae had stepped back. His palms reached to stop Jaebum from closing the distance between them when the other tried.

 

At his hesitance, Jaebum had looked alarmed, worried, and ultimately—pained. It brewed a feeling of guilt within Youngjae.

 

The younger boy preferred the look of surprise on Jaebum's face that he had come to love, compared to those heartbreaking ones.

 

As the rain soaked through his clothes, the chill of the night begins to soak into Youngjae's bones. Even though he does not know if Jaebum is still chasing him—he knew the other had been, until the crowd at the party proved to be a hindrance—he does not want to stop.

 

Still forcing himself through the downpour despite the cold, Youngjae feels somewhat thankful for it. In case he ran into his neighbours, he would only have to explain he forgot an umbrella instead of why he was crying.

 

* * *

 

Youngjae sneezes, groans, and drops into his bed, reaching to pull the blanket over himself.

 

It really wasn't his day. From the miserable situation he found himself in with Jaebum, to the timely breakdown of his heater after being drenched in the rain.

 

After complaining aloud about his horrible luck, he had immediately peeled his wet clothes off, shivering from the cold. After a long shower, his wet clothes were hung in the bathroom and Youngjae thanked whatever little luck was with him that the bag he took with him was waterproof. His belongings were, thankfully, all safe.

 

Bitterly, he wonders if he would trade these all if they could save his heart instead.

 

Tears well up in his eyes once again. Without raindrops pattering upon him now, his tears feel ten times hotter and seem to sting much more. It reminds him of the last time he broke up, just that there were so many things that felt different.

 

Back then, he would look at photos of his ex and delete them from his phone, bit by bit.

 

Now, did not even have a single photo of Jaebum to look at while he cried, much less delete.

 

He wonders if it is for the better—suddenly finding himself missing the other and feeling bitter. He did have Jaebum's number, however, but felt no urgent need to remove it from his contact list.

 

He could do that tomorrow.

 

Or maybe even later.

 

On top of that, he also had the clothes and towel the other had returned to him. He had not checked them since then, but a part of him wonders if they will smell of Jaebum—of the interesting mix of spice and breeze he came to know after being in close proximity to the other.

 

A bitter feeling creeps upon him: why is he behaving as if he had dated Jaebum for a long time?

 

He does not find an answer.

 

Not to the question, or to the yearning that he still felt for the other.

 

Nor does he find the tiniest bit of closure in the day's events.

 

Sighing, he shuts his eyes, willing himself to sleep—but of course, sleep never came to him easily when he needed it the most.

 

He reaches for his phone with the urge to call Mark and cry his heart out but remembers that the other had a family emergency and it would probably be a bad time for him to do so. Just when he thinks he could just text to ask—because there wasn't much else he could think of to ease the ache—his phone rings.

 

Is isn't the cheesy ringtone he had set for Mark; or for any of his family members or close friends, so that meant either an acquaintance, a stranger, or—of course, Jaebum.

 

Youngjae wonders how a simple name,  _Jaebum's_ name, flashing on his phone screen could bring him so much joy and sadness at the same time.

 

He wonders how long he spends staring at the ceiling after he flips his phone over, listening to the ringtone play over and over again.

 

He wonders why he does not just reject the call instead of letting Jaebum try getting through to him repeatedly.

 

He wonders if Jaebum will stop calling after the seventh time.

 

Wonders if he actually does not want it to stop at all, thinking that maybe—if he let it continue, somehow, something would work out and everything would be alright.

 

He does not remember when he dozes off from exhaustion, but when he is woken up by his ringtone and sees over thirty missed calls from Jaebum, his heart breaks and his fingers automatically move to accept the call when his ringtone plays again.

 

* * *

 

The rain had not let up at all since his return home, in fact, the downpour seemed to have only gotten heavier.

 

On a normal night, Youngjae would be happy about it. He loved sleeping with the sound of rain; wrapped inside a warm blanket with the cool air seeping in through the small opening of his room's window.

 

However, he currently felt apprehensive as he made his way down the stairs, peering through the window of each staircase landing as he walked briskly by them.

 

"Jaebum is crazy," he tells no one in particular, recalling their conversation just less than a minute ago.

 

He remembers how his heart seemed to still upon accepting the other's call, a sudden impossible silence enveloping him as he raised his phone to his ear.

 

"Youngjae?"

 

Upon hearing Jaebum's voice, his heart jumpstarted back into a frantic pace and he felt entirely at a loss for words. Thankfully, Jaebum seemed to have expected that, speaking instead of waiting too long for a reply.

 

"I was wondering where you are, because, I'm a bit lost," Jaebum chuckles, seemingly out of embarrassment.

 

Confusion overtakes Youngjae at Jaebum's words, until he hears the sound of the rain—not outside his window but through the call; followed by the ringing of the bell tower. As a bolt of lightning flashes outside, he hears the rings echoing weakly in his room—and also on the other end of the call.

 

"Oh my god, Jaebum! Where are you? Are you nearby?"

 

Without waiting for an answer, Youngjae pushes the blanket off and moves to grab a new jacket from his closet. As he reaches for an umbrella before stepping out, he hears Jaebum chuckle.

 

"Nearby where? You haven't told me where you are." The older boy sneezes right after and Youngjae almost groans.

 

"Don't tell me you tried to follow me, in the rain...?" Uncertainty seeps into Youngjae's question, because, after all, who does things like that?

 

His answer is another chuckle.

 

"Yeah, something like that. I lost you halfway, though, the rain didn't make it easy, and," Jaebum sneezes again, "you run really fast, Youngjae."

 

The younger boy stops in his tracks upon hearing those words, suddenly reminded of why he ran in the first place. Suddenly unsure of whether he should continue, he simply stands in the middle of the staircase, waiting for Jaebum to continue.

 

But the other doesn't.

 

Thunder strikes and Youngjae hears it differently in both ears: one clear and close, the other through the call and slightly muffled. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath and asks: "Why did you come after me?"

 

"You left really abruptly, so I wanted to know why."

 

It is a simple, straightforward and logical answer—Youngjae feels somewhat silly for the other thoughts in his mind. "You're right," he takes another step down the stairs, "I guess I do owe you an explanation."

 

Jaebum chuckles again, and by now Youngjae really hates it—hates it because he loves the sound and can't bear to be away from it. "You don't owe me anything, Youngjae," Jaebum's voice is soft and Youngjae hates the gentle way he speaks to him despite having left like that, "I just want to know why. I just want to talk to you."

 

The desperation and sincerity in Jaebum's voice are all it takes for Youngjae to bolt down the remaining steps.

 

* * *

 

From Jaebum's description, Youngjae guessed that the other was at the park next to where he rented.

 

Making his way through the downpour that seemed to have barely lightened, Youngjae's steps are less hesitant but still careful and slow. When he reaches the park, he makes his way along the familiar trails until he sees Jaebum's silhouette under a gazebo.

 

His resolve melts away slightly upon the sight of the other's broad back.

 

If they talked, if he met him now—did it mean that he had to live knowing he wanted Jaebum but would never be with him?

 

Youngjae barely has time to ponder more, because Jaebum turns around then and catches sight of him. The park lamps illuminate just enough for Youngjae to see a smile appear immediately on Jaebum's face as the other makes his way over to him under the rain.

 

Rushing over to meet him in the middle, Youngjae makes sure to cover the older boy with the umbrella before berating him. "You're entirely drenched! You could've just waited for me to come over!"

 

"It doesn't matter," Jaebum gives him a sheepish grin, "I was already soaked on the way over."

 

Youngjae feels a tinge of guilt even thought he knows it isn't entirely his fault.

 

At least, not directly and entirely his fault.

 

"You shouldn't have," Youngjae says. He fails to sound angry—his voice carrying the burden of guilt instead.

 

"I wanted to," Jaebum reaches to pull Youngjae closer so that both of them are properly under the umbrella—not that it helped much, considering the wind. "Why did you leave so abruptly? Did I do something wrong?"

 

It is then that Youngjae finally stops trying to fight the build up of emotions within him, allowing them to show—and the expression on his face must be quite the look, as he takes in Jaebum's shocked reaction.

 

"If I said something wrong, or if," Jaebum looks afraid for a split-second, "if you didn't like what I did, I mean-"

 

"No! Why would you think that?"

 

"You looked really upset so I thought..."

 

Jaebum doesn't finish his sentence and Youngjae's heart aches at how dejected the other looks. He realizes then how selfish he had been: despite the time mark not appearing, despite his frustration, despite his crushed hopes—he had only been thinking about himself and paid no heed to how Jaebum would have felt.

 

"I'm so sorry, Jaebum," he manages, "I just, I was upset. I mean, I was upset, but," the umbrella shakes as Youngjae's hand trembles, "but it wasn't because of you."

 

Reaching to hold the umbrella to steady it, but barely touching Youngjae's hand, Jaebum gives Youngjae an encouraging smile. "Would you like to tell me what you were upset over, then?"

 

If Jaebum had stopped there, Youngjae thought that  _perhaps_ , he could have still walked away. But there is a soft and inviting glint in Jaebum's eyes when he adds: "Please?"

 

As Youngjae tries to form an answer, a rush of tears threatens to fall again. He remembers Jaebum's words of not wanting to just kiss strangers and leave if they weren't his soulmate, remembers the sudden reckless courage that overcame him, still remembers the feeling of Jaebum's lips on his—and remembers the pain of knowing that Jaebum is  **not** his soulmate.

 

That their relationship would probably not work out, that it would be blissful days followed by the heart-wrenching pain of leaving each other for someone else.

 

The weigh of the memories and thoughts suffocate him, so Youngjae does the only thing that comes to mind: he shoves the umbrella into Jaebum's hand and makes a run for it.

 

Part of him screams at himself for being selfish yet again, but the other part wants nothing more than to be as far away as possible from getting his heart broken yet again.

 

But as he makes his first steps back home, he feels a grip on his shoulder—warm, strong, and determined  **not** to let him go.

 

"Youngjae, please," Jaebum's fingers slip from his shoulders to hold his hand. "I'm not letting you go again, at least, not until you tell me what's wrong."

 

 

Jaebum's voice is firm, just like his grip.

Despite that, there is no anger in his voice; nor pain in his hold.

 

Youngjae gives up trying to run then, overpowered by Jaebum's resolve to keep him there.

 

Tears sting his eyes, but Youngjae holds it in and takes a deep breath. He could at least make up for his selfishness and give Jaebum, and perhaps even himself, some closure.

 

 

"I really like you," his voice breaks from the ache in his chest, "so, so much."

 

Jaebum's grip loosens ever so slightly at his words. The older boy's lips part, trying to form words, finally settling on: "So do I, Youngjae. So do I."

 

"But," Youngjae hears the crack in his own voice, "but you're not my soulmate, so I don't think we should, I don't want to grow to like you more only to leave, I mean, I did recklessly kiss you to find out, but I'm not that brave anymore and—"

 

"Wait, what do you mean?" Jaebum looks confused and it angers Youngjae slightly.

 

Did he  ** _really_** not get it?

 

"I mean," he does not bother hiding the exasperation in his voice, "that your time mark didn't appear when I kissed you back then, so you  **aren't** my soulmate,  _Jaebum_." He ends the sentence softly, carefully saying Jaebum's name as if it would keep both their hearts intact if he put enough care into it.

 

Despite that, the older boy looks even more confused. "Were you expecting the time mark to appear then?"

 

The question infuriates Youngjae. "If I could lie right now I'd say no, but  **yes** , Jaebum. I did wish you were my soulmate. I hoped so. I'm sorry if you didn't think the same."

 

His words end in spite, but a smile tugs at Jaebum's lips. It angers Youngjae a lot more.

 

Did Jaebum find this funny?

 

Was it just a game to him all along?

 

"Youngjae," Jaebum pulls him into a hug so abruptly that the younger boy barely has time to lash out. "What time does your time mark show?"

 

In Jaebum's embrace, Youngjae feels more annoyed than angry. He felt defeated, why was he so weak for the older boy already? Letting out a huff, Youngjae replies nonchalantly: "One thirty one, in the morning."

 

Jaebum chuckles and Youngjae tries to free himself at the sound. Jaebum lets him go, but returns a hand onto the other's shoulders to keep him close.

 

"Did you know? It was barely after midnight when you left."

 

It is his turn to be confused, so Youngjae lifts his wrist only to remember that his watch isn't with him. Reaching for his phone, he feels his cheeks heat up when the time shows to be just twenty minutes after one.

 

"But that can't be... my watch, I saw, before I kissed you, it was already past one..."

 

Jaebum tries to stifle a chuckle at Youngjae's reaction, a weight finally lifted off his heart. "But your phone says differently, and so does mine."

 

He shows Youngjae the time on his phone as the other gapes at him in disbelief.

 

"But how..."

 

To show more proof, Jaebum also shows Youngjae the time on  **his** watch. Twenty minutes after one.

 

"Are you sure your watch was working properly?" Jaebum asks.

 

"I..."

 

Even if he said yes—their phones obviously showed otherwise. He furrows his eyebrows and glares at the ground.

 

Had he not checked the time on his watch a few times that day? Granted, he did glance at his watch without  _actually_  paying attention to it, but could it really be that it had been faulty? And all the times he had glanced at his phone but never actually at the time—he had been so caught up in whether Jaebum could have been his soulmate that he had not given much thought or attention to everything else that should have mattered.

 

His train of thoughts continue on to be messy and his mind is thrown into further chaos, but amidst it—one clear thought that echoes in joy: he had probably not kissed Jaebum at the right time, therefore not entirely proving that Jaebum was  **not**  his soulmate.

 

A spark of excitement courses through him, but he does not want to have his hopes up too high just yet.

 

Not  **again**.

 

Not now.

 

"I need to check my watch to know if it's faulty, I guess... it's at home," he finally concludes. Peering back up at Jaebum, he can't help but feel embarrassed yet happy at the amused look on the other's face.

 

"I have a better proposal," Jaebum replies, inching closer and successfully accelerating Youngjae's heartbeat.

 

"Wh-what is it...?"

 

Jaebum lets out an amused sound. "You're adorable."

 

"Huh?" Youngjae's voice comes out  _way_ higher than he intended it to.

 

Clearing his throat, Jaebum corrects himself. "I'm sorry, I got distracted. I meant," he holds up his watch again, "it's just a few minutes left till one thirty one. So..."

 

"...so?"

 

A million suggestions throw themselves at Youngjae inside his mind, but they all dim at Jaebum's next words.

 

"So will you grant me a bit more of your time tonight, and let me be the reckless one this time?"

 

Youngjae doesn't remember if he answers, or if he makes a sound of embarrassment, but he does remember Jaebum dropping his umbrella to hold his cheeks in both hands.

 

He remembers the look on Jaebum's face before his eyelids close—a look of joy.

 

Of pure delight.

 

He remembers his own eyelids closing as Jaebum draws their faces, their lips, closer.

 

Their second kiss is unlike the first.

 

It does not feel divine nor electrifying, especially with the rain soaking the both of them.

 

It is less careful than before, with Jaebum lips still move greedily and desperately against Youngjae's.

 

It is messier in the rain, in fact. Youngjae feels Jaebum's fingers raking through his wet hair to hold his head in place as the other's tongue nudged and parted his lips.

 

He whimpers at the action and feels a chuckle rumble from Jaebum's chest. It makes him realize that they  **are** that close right now. Clothes soaked, entirely pressed up to each other, warming each other despite the chilly downpour.

 

It comforts Youngjae, mending his shredded heart bit by bit.

 

He does not even have time to think of what would happen after, just letting himself drown under Jaebum's ministrations. Or, more precisely, Jaebum's tongue's ministrations.

 

In a daze, he wonders if he should stop worrying entirely and enjoy the moment to the fullest—or prepare his heart once again for what is to come. As Jaebum groans and pulls him impossibly closer, Youngjae decides to choose the latter.

 

It could have been just over a minute, or fifteen—Youngjae doesn't know when they stop kissing, but does know the familiar feeling of dread that creeps upon him.

 

As if reading his mind, Jaebum shows Youngjae the time on his watch.

 

1:32.

 

Youngjae takes a deep breath, almost reaching out for Jaebum's wrists but not daring to.

 

He does not have to, because Jaebum lifts both and faces them upwards.

 

At the sight, Youngjae lets out a cry and buries his face into the crook of Jaebum's neck.

 

It doesn't matter that his tears don't stop, because Jaebum's shirt is already beyond soaked from rainwater by then.

 

It doesn't matter that he forgets how to breathe for a moment, because the sound of joy Jaebum makes reminds him how to.

 

It doesn't matter that his knees go weak, because the other's tight embrace holds him up in place.

 

It doesn't matter that all the words he had rehearsed in his mind for years are not spoken, because they both know then: that they would be together for a long time to come.

 

* * *

 

Both of them fall sick the next day.

 

Mark has a hard time deciding on whether to laugh or nag at Youngjae, but ends up taking care of him until Jaebum feels better to visit.

 

Their first meeting is a quiet one: Mark feeling protective of Youngjae while Jaebum felt at a loss of words towards the older boy. After a few days of watching Jaebum fawn over and nurse Youngjae back to health, Mark eventually does soften up—finally deciding it was alright to leave Youngjae in the other's care.

 

"Sorry," Youngjae apologizes between sips of hot soup, "I know Mark can be rather cold to someone he's just met."

 

Jaebum shakes his head and mentions he doesn't mind. "It's better than what Jinyoung has been putting me through."

 

"What is he putting you through...?"

 

Jaebum tells Youngjae he doesn't want to know, but eventually gives in; the other had been repeatedly teasing Jaebum with the repeated phrase of: "You fell in love, you fell so sick... in love."

 

The soup burns Youngjae's throat when he gulps too fast and laughs uncontrollably after.

 

When he is finally healthy again, they begin spending more time together outside the confines of his little room. Youngjae imagines that things will change greatly from then on, but he is both right and wrong.

 

The obvious change is that he is no longer looking for a soulmate, that instead staying up past one in the morning alone—he stays up to spend time with Jaebum. Yet the things they do don't differ from what he had done before: rushing assignments, catching movies, reading and playing games.

 

He still attended classes, still called his parents to update them on his life—his mom had been thrilled to hear about him finally finding his soulmate—and still hung out with his friends.

 

Though with Jaebum around, his classes had become less dreary; the older boy would constantly send him cheesy-almost-embarrassing texts during class to keep him awake. Jaebum also made sure to help him out with assignments whenever he could.

 

Many start inquiring about his relationship with Jaebum and he realizes then that despite them being soulmates, neither had said anything about their actual relationship and what they wanted it to be.

 

So Youngjae fidgets and sighs until Jaebum finally asks him what is wrong.

 

It is a rainy afternoon and they had opted to spend it reading in the warmth of Jaebum's room, or more precisely, his bed.

 

"Are we dating?"

 

Jaebum is caught by surprise at the question, as if it never crossed his mind either until then.

 

"Would you like us to be?"

 

"Aren't soulmates supposed to...?"

 

"Well," Jaebum puts down his book and reaches out to take Youngjae's book, setting them down on the little table beside his bed. "Soulmates are people who are ideally suited to be partners, so yes, I would say so."

 

Youngjae purses his lips, not satisfied with Jaebum's answer.

 

"Then does that mean we're automatically dating?"

 

Jaebum laughs at his words and Youngjae pouts. "Stop teasing me!"

 

He feels Jaebum's fingers touching his cheek and gently holding his chin the next moment. The older boy apologizes before leaning in close to say: "My soulmate, the love of my life, Choi Youngjae. Will you grant me the honour of being your boyfriend?"

 

Youngjae laughs and chides Jaebum for being unnecessarily cheesy, but blushes furiously and answers with a soft 'yes' a moment later.

 

* * *

 

As the months pass them by, Youngjae learns that dating one's soulmate did not mean that it would be a sparkling perfect relationship. As much as they came to love and understand each other, they still had their fair share of disagreements and fights.

 

It is their third month together when they first argue—over an issue Youngjae doesn't even remember anymore. He does, however, remember storming out of Jaebum's rented apartment and refusing to answer his calls for a few hours until he felt utterly childish for doing so.

 

He recalls the hot tears shed and the anger that boiled in him during their heated argument and how much he hated it; and the great relief and joy that washed over him when they apologized and made up.

 

 

Sometimes, their quarrels would get really bad, but they neither ever threatened to leave or give up. For Youngjae, he held on because they were soulmates after all; but that reason soon grew to be because he couldn't bear to see Jaebum crying, because he couldn't bear to be apart from the other.

 

He wonders if it was the same for Jaebum and decides to ask the other one late night in bed.

 

"Why did you run after me that night?" He stares at the ceiling on his side of the bed, feeling rather embarrassed to look at Jaebum in the eye.

 

The other boy shifts and Youngjae feels Jaebum's gaze on him. "That night? You mean when we kissed?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Jaebum hums before answering. "I guess you could say it was because of your time mark."

 

"What about it...?"

 

"Remember when we first met? The night Jinyoung found his way to your table?"

 

Youngjae lets out a chuckle and answers that he does.

 

"Before that night, I frequently woke up at one thirty in the morning—even if I was well-rested, even if I was having a wonderful dreamless sleep. It stopped after the night we met, and it occurred to me on the day we met the next time why it could be so."

 

"Sounds unbelievable," Youngjae muses out loud.

 

"You don't have to believe it, but that's why I was glad to see you again after. Everything just seemed to fall in place."

 

"Then," Youngjae moves to rest on his side, looking at his  _boyfriend_ with a serious expression. "Did you only chase after me because you felt we were soulmates? Do you only dating me now because we  **are**  soulmates?"

 

When Jaebum is silent, Youngjae feels his heart clench. But Jaebum reaches to touch his cheek and it eases him ever so slightly.

 

"Have you forgotten that I said I didn't care for soulmates? I wanted to fall in love, be in love and if it were to be so—fall out of love naturally, without confining myself to the idea of soulmates. I chased after you because I liked you." Jaebum's eyes narrow and he looks sad for a moment before continuing, "I won't deny that the possibility of us being soulmates was a great motivation, but in those few hours we spent before you ran off—I came to like you very much."

 

At this point, Youngjae manages a smile and whispers: "I liked you very much then, too."

 

Jaebum reaches over for a chaste kiss and chuckles, "I'm glad. I felt so attracted to you—not physically, but literally: like something was pulling me towards you, not wanting me to walk away from you. I thought it was silly and tried to leave at the proper time, but every time you smiled—Youngjae, do you know how gorgeous you are when you smile?"

 

Youngjae does not, so he flushes a million shades of red and moves to bury his head in the crook of Jaebum's neck. The older boy laughs and strokes his hair, taking a deep breath.

 

"I guess you could say it just felt  _right_ , when I was with you," Jaebum continues after a while. "It still does now. I feel right at home whenever I'm with you—and I don't think this feeling will ever go away."

 

Youngjae makes muffled embarrassed sounds and Jaebum apologizes insincerely for his cheesiness.

 

Allowing himself to melt in the other's embrace, Youngjae inhales the scent of Jaebum and makes himself comfortable in the older boy's arms. He is about to drift off into sleep when he hears Jaebum's quiet question: "What about you? Did you decide to settle with me because of our time marks?"

 

Taking a deep breath, Youngjae untangles himself from the warmth of Jaebum's arms and immediately answers: yes. 

 

He sees the slight pain in Jaebum's eyes and allows it to burn into his memory forever—so that he would never have to hurt the other in this way ever again."It's true, I did decide so then because I knew we were soulmates," he tells Jaebum softly, carefully. "Because I was scared."

 

The pain in Jaebum's eyes turn into one of understanding and sadness as he continues. "I've always thought that I could only date my soulmate to be happy, so I had never wanted consider the alternative. But I do love you, Jaebum. I want you to know that."

 

A smile tugs at his boyfriend's lips as if saying he already knew.

 

"It's been over a year since we've dated, and we've fought, we've loved, we've done so many things and have  **not** done so many other things together—but I still miss you whenever you're away; even when you're in the next room, I just-"

 

Jaebum raises an eyebrow at Youngjae's sudden pause and smirks at the look of confusion on the younger boy's face. It happened a lot whenever he felt overwhelmed yet tried to express himself.

 

"I guess, I just want you to know that I really love you," Youngjae finishes softly, suddenly shy again.

 

Jaebum reaches to gently grab his chin, bringing their faces close. "I know, Youngjae," he whispers, "so do I," and proceeds to kiss the other until they are both out of breath.

 

* * *

 

A chorus of greetings fill the cafe as the doorbell rings, but Youngjae pays it no heed. Seated at his favourite corner of his favourite cafe, he types away furiously on his keyboard.

 

His article is due in ten minutes and he has five hundred words left to conjure from the blank that is his brain, so he bites his lower lip, takes a sip of the coffee next to his laptop, and forms seemingly logical and coherent sentences to fill up the word count.

 

Somehow, he manages to send it over before the due time and Youngjae takes a deep breath, the weight of the world lifting off his tired shoulders.

 

He glances and the clock and notes that it is fifteen minutes before Jaebum is supposed to meet him there for lunch. The doorbell rings again and the staff shout their usual welcomes, Youngjae looks up expectantly to see if Jaebum had arrived early—but it is merely students he does not recognize.

 

They look tired and sleepy, how he used to look when he had morning classes too. The sight fills him with nostalgia: he remembers events from years ago and smiles instinctively as he lifts his sleeve ever so slightly to look at his time mark. Youngjae does not get to ponder upon his meeting with Jaebum, however, as his phone rings to signal a new message.

 

Upon reading the message, the smile on his face wavers just slightly. Jaebum's work had only been becoming more and more demanding in the past few months and the pair are still adjusting to the lack of time spent together. 

 

It is Saturday morning but Jaebum had to leave early to handle something back at the office, so the older boy's text is a long apology for not being able to join Youngjae for breakfast—despite it being their seventh anniversary.

 

He asks if lunch is alright instead, something Youngjae had half-expected, so the younger boy replies that is it alright. Despite the slight disappointment, he does not forget to end his text with heart emoticons. After all, he was guilty for spending many sleepless nights without Jaebum in efforts to finish his freelance work as well.

 

Usually, it is Youngjae who gets to choose where they eat, but since Jaebum insisted that he choose this time around to make it up for postponing their date, Youngjae finds himself looking forward to a great feast a few hours later.

 

Instead of telling Youngjae where to go, Jaebum had just said to wait for him at the park near their shared apartment. Their new place is just a few buildings next to Youngjae's previous rented room, so he makes his way to the familiar park before their meeting time. 

 

The noon sun is high in the blue sky when he reaches his destination and Youngjae's legs instinctively bring him to the gazebo they sometimes had picnics at. He recalls the many times they would bring up That Night during their picnics: Youngjae often questioning Jaebum on why he had chased after him without an umbrella, or why he had thought to go after him at all. 

 

Jaebum would reply with his own questions of his own: "didn't you think I looked way better soaked" or "what could I do? I was already wet for you", earning himself slaps from Youngjae that would cut their picnics short and result in a whole day spent back at their apartment in bed (or at least, mostly in bed).

 

Trying not to blush at the thoughts, Youngjae checks the time and feels giddy knowing Jaebum would be there soon. Or at least, he would be, if work had not held him back yet again. The sound of rumbling thunder makes Youngjae's heart drop, if it rained now, it would certainly put a damper on their plans.

 

Mother Nature does not pay much heed to Youngjae's worries then, as rain starts to pour. Before Youngjae can curse out loud on how such sunny weather could turn into rain, he hears a familiar voice greeting him. 

 

The sight of his lover calms him instantly, and despite his annoyance with the weather, Youngjae hops into Jaebum's embrace with a smile.

 

"I guess our anniversary isn't off to a very bright start," Youngjae comments, inhaling the scent Jaebum's cologne.

 

"Mm, it would seem so. But I promise you that it will, at least, end well."

 

Youngjae knows that Jaebum is a man of his word, so he beams when they pull back to look at each other.

 

"Are you hungry?" Jaebum asks with a frown as he looks out from the gazebo, "I forgot my umbrella so it seems like we might be here for a while."

 

"I'm alright, let's just pray that the rain will stop soon."

 

So they take a seat and do just that, Youngjae promising that he will be less of a caffeine addict if the rain let up in the next five minutes. 

 

Neither say much as the rain continues to pour, not when Youngjae leans his head on Jaebum's shoulder, or when Jaebum wraps an arm around the other's waist. It is a comfortable silence that Youngjae has grown to love, so he closes his eyes and enjoys the moment despite everything.

 

He feels Jaebum shift to kiss the top of his head and smiles. "You better not start anything here," he warns, "we can't get back to the apartment in this rain."

 

Jaebum laughs out loud, claiming that it was not what he had in mind. "I'll be sure to feed you before putting you through... strenuous activities, Youngjae. You know me."

 

Despite having heard words like that from Jaebum countless times, Youngjae still blushes and hits the other's arm lightly. "I can't take this anymore, what time is it? Has it been an hour?"

 

His lover laughs and teasingly chides him from being impatient. "I'm not sure, let's see..."

 

As Jaebum's pulls his hand out from the pocket of his coat to look at his watch, Youngjae leans over lazily in hopes of catching sight of the time. He notes that it is 1:31PM and suppresses a smile.

 

Jaebum's wrist then turns over, showing his time mark just under the hem of his sleeve. Youngjae smiles at the sight.

 

His smile fades the next moment, when Jaebum's fist opens to reveal two rings.

 

"Is this a bad time?" The other's voice is soft, nervous and almost scared, but  _happy_. 

 

Youngjae knows he should reply, but it merely comes in the form of hot tears and rapid heartbeats that overwhelm him. 

 

"I had this all planned out but, ah," Youngjae watches as Jaebum bites his lips, the older boy's cheeks flushes in a lovely shade of red, "I'm always nervous when it comes to you, Youngjae."

 

Reaching with his other hand to take Youngjae's shaking one, he continues: "You mean so much to me now, before, and—I believe—even more so in the future. We've had our ups and downs, although I would say we've had more ups than downs, and I've never felt so at home and  **happy**  with anyone else—"

 

At this point, Youngjae lets out a choked sob.

 

"What I'm trying to say is: Youngjae, will you marry me?"

 

It is then that Youngjae finally finds his ability to speak again, repeating his answer in tremendous joy as he pulls Jaebum into a tight embrace followed by a heated kiss. 

 

The rain stops soon after as they both make their way to lunch—both wearing matching rings to go with the matching numbers on their wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope this last chapter lived up to your expectations! ;~;  
> This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but it turned out like this... after reading all the responses for the previous chapters, I honestly felt slightly burdened for the last chapter because I was worried I wouldn't be able to wrap it up well, especially having stretched my idea into a few chapters!
> 
> Still - I hope you are warmed and happy from reading :) Thanks for waiting for my update!
> 
> And thank you again, hxppynutmeg, for requesting this! 
> 
> P/S: I'm over on Twitter @7theavenly if you'd like to scream over 2jae with me :D


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